You'd better wake up and pay attention

I did not write this, but it's too funny not to post

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 17:03:41 GMT

Ozzie Guillen Fined $10,000 For What He Just Thought
August 10, 2006 | Onion Sports

CHICAGO—MLB disciplinary officials announced that Ozzie Guillen would be fined $10,000 and ordered to undergo sensitivity psychoanalysis for the "irresponsible, offensive, and completely unacceptable" thoughts that passed through the White Sox manager's mind during Wednesday night's game.

"During the fourth inning of yesterday's White Sox-Yankees contest, Mr. Guillen's mind conjured a series of insensitive, wildly inappropriate—I would even go so far as to say depraved—thoughts and images," said Bob Watson, MLB vice president of on-field discipline. "Baseball is a social institution with a responsibility to espouse proper values, and there is absolutely no excuse for anyone to entertain thoughts which portray people in a negative or demeaning light, regardless of their race, color, creed, culture, sexual orientation, gender, weight, or personal beliefs."

"Major League Baseball would like to offer its most profound, heartfelt apologies to those portrayed inappropriately in Mr. Guillen's mind, including African-Americans, Cuban-Americans, Caucasian-Americans, Dominican-Americans, 'immigrants,' the sportswriting community, the gay community, the White Sox fan community, the communities of Schaumburg, IL and New York City, the umpiring crew, Yankee right-fielder Bobby Abreu and his female relatives, members of the Peace Corps, and women—particularly the female fan seated in Section 32, Row B, Seat 7," Watson added.

Watson's report alleges that Guillen carelessly composed his thoughts without considering the fact that millions of fans would know exactly what he was thinking in the event that television cameras inevitably cut to a shot of his sour expression. And according to commissioner Bud Selig, the idea of remorse never crossed Guillen's mind.

"Ozzie's thoughts were in poor taste, and the sheer volume and scope of them—all of which occurred over a 17-second span of time—seem to indicate that they were premeditated," Selig said. "I also must strongly emphasize that our organization neither shares nor condones Mr. Guillen's views on statutory rape, regardless of whether or not they are ever vocalized."

Guillen's thoughts upon learning of his punishment earned him an additional $5,000 fine and a three-game suspension.

"I'm not going to change the way I think," Guillen said during an apology late Wednesday. "Anyone who knows me will tell you I can't control my thoughts."

"I acknowledge that the things that entered my mind today might have offended certain groups of people, but you have to realize I didn't mean anything by it," Guillen continued. "After all, my mother is dead, too, and I would never want anyone digging up her corpse and paying drunken, uh, Arabs to do those things to her. And as for people of Middle Eastern origin, I was only imagining those terms being used to refer to just one specific 'filthy raghead,' not a whole region of them."

"Also, I would never, ever do that kind of thing to a person in real life, even if I had a worn-down radial-saw blade and 100 milligrams of hydrogen cyanide at my disposal," Guillen added.

A recent poll indicates that 97 percent of baseball fans were offended by Guillen's thoughts, with an astounding 12 percent of those polled actually having been personally attacked, insulted, or killed within Guillen's inner tirade.

"Ozzie needs to remember that people have families… My 9-year-old daughter was watching at home, and even though she isn't old enough to understand what a 'tire-iron abortion' is, I'm sure she understood that what he was thinking was not nice," said Chicago resident and White Sox fan Brian McVeigh. "And this isn't the last time he'll be on TV. What will I have to explain to my daughter next time she sees Ozzie thinking? Bestiality? Knife rape? Auschwitz?"

Guillen, however, claims that if he truly meant what he thought, he would have just come out and said it.

"Am I going to have to explain everything I think from now on?" Guillen asked reporters. "Do I really need to tell you people that I don't actually want fuel truck after fuel truck to plow into an orphanage? That I don't really want to feed baby rats to [White Sox pitcher] Jon Garland so they chew their way through his intestinal system and expel themselves out his rectum in unison? That I actually love and respect my wife? Can't you people figure this out on your own? I'm not that bad a guy."

"Fucking faggot assholes," Guillen added.

Eh, Guess I Don't Want To Sleep

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 08:11:52 GMT

As bored as I am right now, and believe me, I am bored, I don't really want to sleep, or do any of the other responsible or productive things I have promised to do. Shit. The difference between a good man and a great one is that where a good man can see his shortfalls and failures, the great man will take action to change himself for the better. I guess I am a good guy.

I have been voraciously seeking media lately. Listening to a lot of the music on my iPod that was previously unlistened to and watching all the TV on DVD that I can. At the same time, I feel less like calling people or going out. Am I becoming a homebody, or am I so bored that I don't want to try not to be? Oh dear. Argh, I want school to start, give me something to do. Shit. Wonder if this year will be any different. Let's see I guess.

Bitches aint shit but ho's and tricks...What a great song.

Yeah.

Continued...

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 08:18:52 GMT

Things I have learned in the last year...

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of public opinion,
Everybody talks shit about everybody, don't worry about it,
Seattle is a fucking sweet city,
You never know how great the iPod is until you have one for yourself,
I don't answer my phone at school very often,
Goldschlager can be very dangerous,
There is no epiphany about what you want your life to be like,
It is really hard to correctly read the signals others send,
I like Mac more than PC now,
Hide and Seek is a killer song,
It still never goes the way you plan it to,
Honesty is not always the best policy,
You will be as close to someone as you let yourself be,
It is easy to try to be too close, too fast,
Sometimes, things just don't work out,
Sometimes, things just work out,
Tonsils are fucking silly,
Money is actually a big deal,
Everything costs more when you buy it yourself,
Super Smash Bros. games eat your soul,
People change like you couldn't believe,
Some people never change,
Rent was good,
Everyone is always in worse shape than they want to be

That is enough for now. I suppose I didn't really learn all of these this year, but these were just some things I thought about when I thought about the year. Just some random-ness.

If you only make one post a year...

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 17:50:09 GMT

So, yesterday was indeed the 19th anniverary of my birth, and as such, I feel like I should write about it. First of all, it was great, a lot of good fun and no, I did not get hella wasted.

First half of the day basically consisted of me waking up and bumming around the house not really doing anything/eating a lot of those cheap popsicles from King Soopers, which by the way are a staple of my summer diet. Anyone who thinks a half pound of sugar water is bad for you must be mistaken, 'cause I FEEL GRREAT! Anyway, I get a call from Alex, and what grand tidings he bore...putt putt. So we played 54 holes. I ended up with another Chipotle and a better farmer's tan. We then assembled a group of people and gave Woodgate Bronco's schedules courtesy of Mrs. Cline, followed by Chipotle, also courtesy of Mrs. Cline. From there, it was off to the bowling alley to cap off the evening. From there, some Wendy's and Swisher Sweets, and two and a half episodes of Lost, though to be fair none of that ACTUALLY happened on my birthday.

So, a pretty typical birthday. I am actually kind of glad it didn't end up just being a big ass party. I got a chance to spend my day with lots of people who I really enjoy spending my time with, and that really made it good.

I was gonna write about the things I learned in the last year, but my parents just told me to get my ass up and so some shit around the house, so it will have to wait

To Be Continued...

yeah

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 22:01:41 GMT

It's been a long time since I have posted here. The reason for that is quite simply that I don't feel I have anything to say to anyone. I have even come close to posting a few times, but part way through the entry, or once I post it, I decide that it is not fit to print. So, I understand that most people probably don'r read this anymore, and that is fine by me.

But, Matt said last night that he had a policy of never removing something that he posted, something that I used to also have. I guess this is me trying to do that for myself again. So , here it is. Me not removing this post once I write it.

I feel like I don't have anything to say here because I do not feel that there is much about myself I can truly out in public. I feel like it would prematurely or negatively change others' ideas about me, which is a huge problem for me. So, there is a lot here that I still won't say. Some though, I will let through and just put it out there, because I am bored, because I want to say it to Someone, or just because.

I guess you could say that my hesitations about writing here are the same ones I have about people in real life. I am, generally speaking, too afraid to truly let my guard down anymore. I can do a good job of feigning it, but I have noticed that most of my emotions, happy, sad, angry, are all in jest. I'm mostly kidding about it a lot of the time (So, if I get angry at you, I'm not really angry, please don't think I'm short tempered, I'm just messing around). The problem with this of course is that I still want to be close to people and have them be close to me. But, clearly, that isn't how it works. So, I get annoyed with the fact that I am not as close to the people that I want to be close to. I'm not saying that I am going to open up, I just felt like saying that it is how I often act.

Then again, sometimes I feel like the problem is not that I don't let my guard down enough, it is that the people to whom I want to let my guard down are not willing to do the same to me. In which case, there is something about the me I present to the world that I need to change in order to get what I desire. You might call this fake, but I entirely disagree. For the emotions I truly feel inside, the superficial me should be a vessel to make those dreams and desires happen. If that means I change the way I look and think, maybe that is for the best if it satisfies my heart. If it ever could actually get me what and who I want in life. Keep in mind, this is not only in reference to the opposite gender. I am talking about friends, jobs, majors in college, all of it. All of those things I feel deep down.

My goal however, must never be solely to be loved. When I see people taken advantage of or not appreciated by those they love, it is often because they try so hard to be loved and accepted that their love is taken for granted. So, we are walking a fine line here.

This isn't Really a complete entry, but I don't Really know what I am doing, so it fits.

I guess, I am back.

P.S.- In talking to people over the past couple of days, I have come to the conclusion that my list of weblog addresses is also out of date now. So, post yours if you would, I would much appreciate it. Thanks.

Who loved the game Operation?

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 02:57:37 GMT

Appendix: Check
Spleen: Check
Tonsils: Check
Anoids: Check

That's right motherfuckers. I done taken out all the non-essentials now. For those of you who didn't know, I was scheduled to have my tonsils and adnoids taken out due to obstructive sleep apnea. So, needless to say, I was excited about the procedure. As a bonus, the surgeon said that my tonsils appeared to suffer from chronic infection, so I might also just get to be healthier in general. I know, this might all sound gross, but in my world right now (possibly under the influence of hydrocodine, this is big stuff.

On a slightly related note, when I hurt my ankle a month ago, it was a stress fracture. Part of me feels dumb for overworking myself so much as to get a stress fracture, while the other part feels badass walking around on a fractured ankle for a month and it still not requiring surgery. YESSSS. I win. Three to four more weeks, and in more ways than one, I will be the healthiest I have been in a long time.

Huzzah.

Well

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 07:54:57 GMT

College friendships grow close quickly, but there is a guarded nature about them, as if everyone is still worried deeply about what the others are going to think of them if they find out their dirty little secrets. This isn't much to say, just a little thought for the day. I don't feel comfortable writing here much anymore, so sorry to anyone who read this. It's weird to me to always write in a heightened emotional mood. It paints a picture of me that I don't particularly enjoy. So, Good Night All.

Filters

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 03:28:59 GMT

Tiredness really fucks with your perception of things. Aside from making me grumpy, which I am sure it does to many people, it alters the way I am looking at things in a questioning and negative way. When I am tired, I doubt all of the things I have chosen to do or not to do. It takes me a good night sleep or a wake up call to get me straightened out sometimes. Hey, nothing wrong with a little change in perspective now and then.

There is so much effort that can be put into everything I am doing here at Whitman. It amazes me that I could do nothing but study Chinese all the time and be engaged, or the same thing for German, or Ultimate Frisbee, or drinking, or whatever else. There is just so much of everything in the world. This never ceases to amaze and scare me, and it makes me glad that I do not have to declare a major until Sophomore year, and that I never have to pick a set sport or activity. I can be amorphous. Lucky me.

I am really really tired right now. I didn't sleep at all last night. That tired feeling is in a way very gratifying. You feel as though you have accomplished some great feat, even if that feat were just not going to sleep on a given night.

Sweet

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 22:15:23 GMT

I love how quickly things change. I'm really not mad like I was in that entry down below. This last weekend was probably one of the best, if not the best weekend that I have had at Whitman. Rock on.

Well...

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 08:27:28 GMT

Things were said tonight that actually really annoyed me. The gist of it was that I exhibit traditionally feminine characteristics, that I am needy, like to be coddled, etc. That really annoys me. I honestly have only once been more distgusted with myself as I was just now, on a number of levels. The first is that it was so easy for everyone to notice it once it was brought up. That it is that glaringly clear is rather sick. The second is that it was noticed by a group of females. This means that in their eyes, I do not exhibit characteristics traditional to males. Obviously, this is not boding well in the attracting females arena. I guess overall, it suggests that I show entirely too much emotion. I admit that I consider myself an openly emotional person, but apparently that needs to change. I suppose by typing this, I am subconsciously hoping everyone will come and coddle me, since the word on the street is that I am a bitch. Whatever, there are ways to remedy others' opinions of me.

EDIT: I forgot about this a second ago. These same people tell me that I am a nice guy. Well, what do I conclude from this? That, being a nice friendly person is also not a trait that males are supposed to exhibit. Even though people act all happy about other people being nice, what I see is that not being the kind of trait that gets you somewhere. I suppose this livejournal is also an exhibition of how overly emotional I am. Bummer.

Ramble Off

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 09:15:31 GMT

If you try hard enough, can you trick yourself into believing something?If so, where then do your actual desires end and those you program begin? I suppose it doesn't make that much of a difference, since they both end up the same, but isn't unsettling to think that some of the most powerful things we feel could be based on made up reasons? Hmm, really gets the old wheels turning.

All of life is walking lines. You walk lines every day, and constantly slip one side or the other. Flirty to creepy, funny to rude, funny to not funny, open to closed emotionally, the list goes on. It's all just a bunch of different things we are constantly on the border of. This is why any given person is so hard to define. From a set point, they constantly shift between two or more perceptions, highly dependent on circumstances. This is scary to see in others and especially one's self. Sometimes you feel like people are hurting you, so you close off and shut down. Other times, you open up a little bit. This can vary person to person, moment to moment. The worst part is how logical both are. It makes total sense to say "Just don't let what people do ever get to you." At the same time "Allow the good and the bad to make you what you are," still works. Nothing ever works in black and white these days though does it?

EDIT: The world is not some planet floating in space. The world is what you can grab from all the things that are racing by you in life. People, places, events, whatever swath you cut for yourself. That is the world, nothing more, nothing less. You might be some insignificant cosmic dust, but in your world, there is more to see and do than you could ever need. Just grab something.

Alumni Life

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 00:42:33 GMT

Apparently, most people up in the Pacific Northwest do not have any sort of weblog or any such thing. This led to them all laughing at me when they saw that I had one. Philistines. Whatever, it's all in good fun.

The Cranberries are great music when you want to be liked.

I had more to say, but I have lost motivation. That, and I have to go get ready for dinner.

What the FUCK?

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 07:54:38 GMT

Tomorrow at noon, I will have finished my first semester at college. A lot of things have happened in a very short time period, and for the lack of a better phrase, it has been a total mindfuck. I can't even stand how much has just gone on, and how much I have missed. Things have come, things have gone, people have grown closer, grown apart, and grown closer to others, all in a short time span. It makes me sick to think of all the time that has passed. I want to stay wrapped up in single modules of time forever. Single hugs, single conversations, etc. Putting things into the scope of the rest of the world and the rest of time merely destroys their signifcance. Basking in these single moments is what makes things meaningful for me, and that is one of the reasons that I sometimes just can't help but smile. It's so beautiful, just being in a moment. But, it's times like these that make me afraid. I am going home, which I love and look forward to, but there are many things here that I know right now I am going to deeply miss. That's okay, as long as I don't forget them. I can't ever forget. Forgetting will rob me of what I once had. Tomorrow is scary, but I think if I go hug someone it will be okay. Human contact is important. This was really incoherent, but this is also 15 hours of math studying in the last three days talking.

Makes me Happy

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 06:50:20 GMT

I guess I smirk and/or smile a lot at random. People ask me about this, and the best thing about it is that I don't have a good reason. Sometimes things are going poorly, and I am stressed, and I still can't help but smile. It's positively wonderful. Just to be happy about the nature of the world is I guess where I am at. Lot of times, it is a song that does it, just the positive emotional cues from the music. Still, I like being okay with things. I wouldn't say I have achieved peace, but I feel comfortable deep down, in spite of all the stressful shit in front of me.

Sad Flavor

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 01:42:32 GMT

I feel like I am not actually awake. Just sort of letting things happen, like I'm not really in control of myself or what is unfolding around me. I feel like I am screwing up everything I do. Not in a major sense, just feel like you could be doing so much more, and doing what you are doing better. This semester is almost over, I hope I do well on all my tests and those whatnots. That would be nice, getting good grades and all. Don't know yet if it will happen, but it could. Shot a 1 over in frisbee golf today, and that was with some bad shots. Personal record for me, so I'll take it and be happy. Not sure if I like this "between Thanksgiving and Christmas" time period. A lot of people seem to be in generally sour moods. Or, a couple people are sour at me, and I am trying not to believe it. Don't know if this is the case, but it could be.

We are reading St. Augustine's confessions right now, and a very interesting line struck me. The gist of it was that if, when dealing with trying to will your mind to do something, if you fully willed it, you wouldn't have to make yourself do it, because it would simply happen. To clarify, you can't trick yourself into thinking or feeling something that it doesn't actually feel or believe. It simply doesn't work. If you really believe it, you believe it and all is well. Until then, you are just playing games with yourself. Now, this isn't to say that you can't lie to yourself enough that something becomes the actual truth, but this is much more of a process than trying to make yourself believe something.

There are some things that are plain and simple, emotional decisions. I think fraternity involvement is this way for me. Everyone has really good logical lines about why one should stay affiliated with the Greek system, but I think that this is unfair because my problems with it right now are all emotionally based. It is a matter of things just feeling right or not feeling right. In a battle of logic, the Greeks will surely crush me, but that doesn't mean that I really do want to be in a fraternity. All the logical thinking in the world cannot, and should not, be my basis for deciding about things of this nature. Nor should they be for anyone else. Bummer. Oh well, I am probably too scared to talk to anyone about it anyway.

I don't know if I had more to say or not.

What is this Television you speak of?

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 07:53:49 GMT

I watched a lot of TV today. Well, sort of. I watched downloaded rips of cancelled shows on my laptop today. I watched some of Clone High, which I love as much as the other times I've watched it. Not sure what it is exactly about it that I like, but it just really works for me. Always highly enjoyable. I also gave up on downloading all of Freaks and Geeks (damn too slow torrent) and settled on downloading a single episode. I remember loving the show, at least what I watched of it in 6th grade. Holy shit, what a great show. It seems very real, genuine, and all those things that reality shows aren't anymore (the obligitory "fuck you" to reality television). Nothing flashy, just people doing their thing. As an added bonus, Linda Cardellini, the main female character, looks fuckin smokin. I don't know what it is, but she is straight up bangin in this show. Anyway, it was some of the best stuff I have seen in a while. You should all check it out. In all seriousness though, I am ready for school again, so I will stop doing nothing all day. BORING.

So I might have lied

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 08:18:56 GMT

I decided to make this last part of my Thanksgiving entry a stand alone one. This is not intended to give this part of the post any added significance, rather it is a whim. I found my Stereolab album again, and the strange transcendental tunes are again floating through my ears. If you haven't heard some Stereolab at least once, you are missing out on an experience.

Well, I am now well fed, a bit wined (my parents and relatives no longer mind), and well conversed for the whole evening. I have found my mother's side of the family a very good group of people to ask for advice, and that held true again here. Then again, it was less that I asked for advice and more that I found pearls of advice in our broad conversations about life in general. Something interesting that came up, which I have real problems with, (problems I could not adequately articulate). We were all discussing politics and voting in general, and it was suggested that some form of the poll tax or property ownership again become a necessary part of the voting process. While an "aristocracy of the interested" seems like a good idea, it just doesn't sit very well with me. What should be done to fix the system as it stands? What will put the power back into the hands of (at least some more of) the people?

Looking back on the day, I did essentially nothing. I didn't leave the house, I just sat around a bunch. It feels like today has gone on for ages and ages. Such a long day. I kind of want tomorrow to go by faster. I miss Whitman, even though I haven't been away from it for that long. I just like having all the people around. It's been a good break, but school really is a wonderful place. I can't find much fault with it thus far. That is definitely something I am thankful for. I am thankful that Whitman has worked out so wonderfully well.

I have been feeling a lot of an urge to write lately. These entries will probably dispel some of it, but the rest might actually spawn something new.

Happy Thanksgiving. I love and cherish every one of you. Grace be with us. Thanks.

Well...

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 19:42:30 GMT

I promised myself that I would do a Thanksgiving entry, but I don't think I can do it all in one sitting. So, I will just edit this entry throughout the day and add little things and musings about all. Just in case this plan falls through, know that I am very thankful for being alive and am lucky and grateful for each and every one of you who reads this, and also for those who don't. Life is good.

EDIT: 12:45 pm

I was filled with very interesting emotions as we drove through the small farm towns of Eastern Washington yesterday. Maybe it was because I had just finished reading Al Franken's Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, and was feeling very populist. Or perhaps it was that I have been living in a privileged little bubble the past few months. Whatever the reason, as we drove through towns where I saw nothing but poverty, no way out, nothing that looked like a shadow of the grace that I have had my whole life, I was shocked and afraid and sorrowful. Shocked at how different their lives can be from mine, and wonder at how that came to be. Directly following that was the fear of ever having to worry about the problems these people do. As sorry as I was, I would never want to be in a situation where I really might not have any way out. The perpetual fear of being stuck in the places we rolled through stayed in my mind. Sorrowful both for the fact that I am so afraid of economic hardship, and sorrowful for the fact that there is probably nothing that could be done to eliminate such things from the world. Even as an idealist, I see no way to eliminate poverty on a nationwide, much less a worldwide level. With the thanks I feel for being so blessed with what I have, I am reminded of the entry I just wrote about making sure my family (God willing of course) would also be secure. I know for sure that I have not been poor, but I still have a desire to provide more than I received to those I care for. I also know that there is more in life than simple material happiness, but then again, it's hard to contemplate inner peace if you are searching for your next meal. I guess this is part of what Thanksgiving is all about. Not just being happy for the gifts and luck that have been bestowed, but hope that this remains into the future.

EDIT: 3:26 pm

I am currently watching the Denver Broncos play the Dallas Cowboys. In the past, I would not have taken very much interest in such a game, but I have grown to like the Broncos a lot more since I got to Whitman. I have noticed in general that I appreciate all of the wonderful things about Colorado since I left it. I have more appreciation for our sports teams, our weather, our politics, our people, etc. Most of the other Coloradans at Whitman have also developed this Colorado pride. Not being in Colorado for Thanksgiving makes me all the more excited to be home for Christmas. I guess you could say that not having Colorado makes me thankful for it.

The fates of my life

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 05:55:01 GMT

As I am here in college, or more accurately, taking my first break from college, I am getting stuck thinking about how money should affect my choice of careers. I think about the possibilities of being a doctor or a lawyer, both of which could potentially allow me to support my family very well, and still be fulfiling, yet I am not sure if I require the necessary traits to be successful in either of these fields. More importantly, I'm not sure if the only reason I desire to be in those fields is for the material benefits they offer. On the other hand, I could simply seek out a career in the humanities. Every time I think about this however, I am afraid of not being able to support my family as much as I would like. The possibility of that is so scary I can't even bear it. This is amplified by the problem that I haven't found a subject yet that REALLY grabs my interest. Nothing has jumped out and grabbed me, so I can't say "aha, that is it." There is also the question of being able to find a way to do something outside of a high profile field and still make enough money to support my family. Of course, I could just solve the problem by marrying a sugar mama. I don't know about anyone else, but I find female anesthesiologists so hot! I was going to write more about this, but I got tired and forgot. I guess the not having direction thing is the major problem. All the people who know what they want to do are doing it. What I am getting caught up on is what the dramatized view of a career is and what it's actually like. Eh, these are problems for later.

I'm so inspired by you

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 21:41:00 GMT

I have watched American Beauty and Magnolia since I have arrived here, both times with people who have never seen the movies. These are two of my favorite movies, and I feel they are incredibly beautiful on many levels. At the conclusions of both, I was shocked at how strange many people thought the movies were. This didn't mean they didn't like it, but the strangeness or sadness got in the way of the beauty that I am always amazed by. This struck me because it makes me wonder why I just look beyond the strangeness to the beauty, beyond the sadness to the hope in these movies. I don't feel like I am an irrationally optimistic person, so I can't really explain why the ideas I take away from these movies are the happy ones.

Now, for matters much more harrowing. I was sitting in our section lounge Sunday evening, and this kid Jake Kinstler, who is very energetic and has a tendancy to do silly things, is across the lounge next to the trash cans. There is a large flourescent lightbulb sticking out of one of these trash cans. The next events transpire over the course of a couple seconds. He grabs it and begins wielding it like a spear, and I remember thinking to myself, "He wouldn't throw that at me, it's a flourescent lightbulb." Next thing I know, the bulb is in the air, headed straight for me, and I am thinking "Oh shit, he just threw a lightbulb at me!" I put my hands out, more as instinct as anything else, and the lightbulb clips the table and explodes all over me. I yelled "Holy Shit!" and the girl who was standing behind me, who had run, was screaming and crying. I wasn't hurt or anything, just a couple tiny nicks, but for a minute or so, I didn't really move, partly out of fear of all the glass around me, and partly trying to realize that yes, he actually did just throw a flourescent lightbulb at me. When others heard the ruckus, they came in, and we all just started laughing histerically. Jake still feels bad about it. He says he thought it was a plastic poster tube. Since then, we joke about how it's lucky the bulb hit the table and not my face, and everyone gets a good laugh about it. Still, one of the stranger things that has ever happened to me.

Yes

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 08:02:33 GMT

I looked back today in a fit and read a poem I wrote a while ago. It held meaning for me, in my new situation, as much as it did in the old. That for me, serves as an indicator that I have done a good job with letting things like that flow naturally. I haven't had the urge or the mood to write poetry for the last few weeks, and who knows, maybe I will find the mood again. But until then, I will take a little bit of pride in knowing that I am capable of making something of meaning for myself. Sweet.

For a week

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 15:29:56 GMT

This song has just been tripping me out. I stumbled onto it by accident and it is so good. The lyrics are written like a stand alone poem, and I really like that.

Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just began to form
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking, feeling
Spin me around again
And rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets
Amess with people
Would stop to hold
Their heads heavy
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life
Hide and Seek
Trains and sewing machines (you won't catch me around here)
Blood and Tears
They were here first
Hmm, what'd you say, mmm, that you only meant well?
Well, of course you did.
Hmm, what'd you say? mmm, that it's all for the best?
Of course it is.
Hmm, what'd you say? mmm, that it's just what we need
You decided this?
Hmm, what'd you say, mmm, what did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Bittersweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit
(Hide and Seek)
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Bittersweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
(Hide and Seek)[carries on through rest of song]
Speak no feeling, I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care a, you don't care a bit
Oh no, You don't care a bit
Oh no, You don't care a bit
Oh no, You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit

Check em out.

Is it?

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 02:44:42 GMT

Is it worse to act nice to someone when you are internally bothered by some of their flaws or let them know that their flaws bother you? What if you consider that you have some of the same flaws? What if you consider that these flaws have almost no bearing on you whatsoever? Just something I was thinking about 5 or so minutes ago.

Yes

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 04:34:01 GMT

I like modern music, but I freely admit, I have been a snob about live performances by modern bands. In my experience, most new artists simply are not as good live as they are polished on their albums. Last night though, I was very impressed. I have not listened to too much Death Cab until August or so, but since then, I have been dabbling in it, which culminated in their concert in a 3000 seat auditorium (they could have played at a much larger venue, but came through Whitman because they liked it so much the last time they came), which was free for Whitman students. The band was honestly as good or better live than they are in studio. This makes me very happy indeed. It was such a rockin good time. The kicker was that I got to meet and talk with them for a few minutes before and afterward since I was setting up and tearing down the stage as part of my job. That the band members were polite and friendly was as exciting as the concert itself. So often, rock stars get a rep as being prima donnas; angry, impatient, impolite people. These guys were just the opposite. I was thanked on about 4 different occasions at different times by band members and stage crew for helping out, even though it was my paid job. It was just a generally cool experience.

As cool as it was, a Chinese test directly followed by a Calculus test is even cooler, so I need to be studying for both.

This came upon me today

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 20:12:56 GMT

I haven't thought about this in a while, but the second two matrix movies could have been so fucking ridiculously incredible. The first one is really a mind bender with moments of action, where the second two are action with moments of metaphysical debate. If, somehow, the Wachowskis wanted to remake their flawed second parts and do them like they did the first, while still keeping the bare bones plot the same, it would go down as one of the great movie trilogies of all time. I'm dead serious about this. Makes you wonder if it would ever happen. Then again, this isn't taking into account that the brothers might have wanted their movies to go in the direction they did, or maybe they didn't feel there was a change.

Oh, and the Oakenfold remix of "When the World Ends" is ridiculously awesome.